If you enjoy worrying, plenty of reasons abound. They don’t have to be personal – yet. You can worry about approaching storms (and how they will affect you or those you love), the local economy (and how it will affect you and those you love), rising taxes (etc.), national healthcare (etc.), international wars and rumors of wars (etc.).
But what does such worry achieve? Nothing.
Worry has no power over circumstances. All it can do is afflict you. In fact, that’s an official definition of worry: “to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts.”
Why Worry?
I have come to the conclusion that – other than showing I care – worry is an intense desire to control a situation that is beyond my control. If there were something I could do, I would do it, right? But since this is a situation where someone or something else is in control, I’ll try to control it from a distance. I’ll wander over to the window and look out, as if pacing and peering will bring my husband in from the storm. I’ll keep looking at the telephone, willing it to ring with good news, as if by the sheer force of will I can make things happen.
Worrying shows I care, doesn’t it?
It does have that purpose – when you tell someone you’re worried about them, they know you’re thinking about them. However, if they’re prone to worry, you’ve just added to their burden. And if they’re not, you may cause them to say, “Well, I wasn’t worried before, but now I am!”
It would be better to say, “I care about you and want you to know I’m thinking about you.”
So how can I keep from worrying?
First, know this about worry:
- It solves nothing, changes nothing. It only adds to your stress level.
- It is contagious. It burdens those around you because 1) you’re giving them reasons to worry; 2) they must now comfort you, give you assurances to help you relieve the burden you’ve put on yourself.
- It will immobilize you and sap your energy. You won’t recognize – much less do – what you can do to help.
- It takes away your ability to enjoy life. If you’re always afraid to take a new path because you’re worried where it might lead, you’ll miss out on countless new discoveries. If you’re unable to enjoy the family around you because you’re worried about an absent family member, you’re cheating everyone of the pleasures you could be enjoying together.
Second, do something!
- Discourage other worriers. Firmly but kindly inform them that you are choosing not to worry about this because it’s bad for your health. Thank them for their expressions of concern.
- Do all you can to help the situation. Leave the rest to those who have control over the situation.
- Believe in the indomitable human spirit. For a moment or two, visualize the worst thing that can happen. Observe those who have undergone similar pain, loss or trauma. See how they have recovered. Believe in your own ability to recover as well.
- If you don’t know anyone personally, read of those who have gone through trials even worse than yours. It will put yours into perspective.
What If I Worry about the Past?
This is really silly! And it’s been my downfall: the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve syndrome. We know we can’t relive moments to make them more acceptable.
However, we can:
- When possible, repair the damage we have caused (if any).
- Visualize doing or saying the right thing in a future situation to prevent it from happening again.
- Let it go. Write it down and bury the note or tear it up and throw it to the wind.
Whatever your view of the Bible, the apostle Paul offered a good example on this subject in his letter to the Philippians. Responsible for the death of Christians before his conversion, he had this to say about regret: “…this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal…”
- Worrying is powerful. It has the power to stress you out, sap your energy and spread the affliction to others.
- But where does this power take you? Nowhere you want to be.
Talk to me. Do you see value in worrying? Have I oversimplified the solution? Do you have further suggestions for overcoming the tendency to worry?
Hmmmmm… seems like I saw part of the pondering of this subject in a certain skype conversation.
One thing in addition: sometimes verbally worrying about others (especially your children) is an attempt to control their behavior, and lays an unnecessary burden on them. Or, as someone once did to me, it tells them you don’t have confidence in their ability to handle the situation. While it may be true, it doesn’t help them make better decisions. Better and more productive would be an expression of confidence in them. [I’m listening to my own admonition here) My sister in law was once very empowered by her dad telling her that he knew she would make the right decision.
Hi Cheryl,
I enjoyed your article. May I send it to my ladies group of home school moms?
Hope your day is going well.
@Yvonne
I try to remember to tell my “students” this, and then I get it confused with when I actually NEED to give them direction!
Good points, Yvonne.
Good thoughts,Cheryl.
You’re right, Yvonne. Whether we mean it what way or not, our children often interpret our over-concern for lack of trust in their judgment. I think I’m actually young enough to remember how that felt. Or maybe it wasn’t that long ago! I still have the tendency to say — or at least think to myself, “Don’t worry. I can handle it!”
And that wise statement, “I know you’ll make the right decision,” not only conveys confidence but responsibility: “This is on your shoulders now, and you will bear the consequences — positive or negative. (Besides that, your decision reflects on the way you were brought up.)”
Be my guest, Phyllis. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hope they benefit from it as well.
Thank you, Mitzi. Appreciate it.
I probably don’t worry enough…